Thursday, March 29, 2007

Headed Back

I was online last night looking for a cheap flight down to Mexico. I still have stuff down there that I need to get, and I want to go back to say thank you to everyone and "hasta luego" (see you later).

I found the cheapest flight was actually leaving Portland today. So I booked it, made sure Luis could pick me up in Guadalajara, asked my mom to help get me to the airport at 4.30am this morning, and gathered the small amount of stuff I'm bringing back with me. Quick and easy.

Back into the fray....

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Bad day, bad interview

Yesterday was a bad day. I didn't leave the house until 3.45pm. I woke up with a bad attitude. Nothing was good, it seemed. Even talking to my best friend Wade didn't bring me out of my glum mood.

I got a call back from Neil Kelly Cabinetry. Nice woman on the phone, but I was above their salary level for a builder, and she didn't think they had any management positions open. She was bummed because she liked what she saw on paper and said she would have hired me if she had open positions. That was nice to hear, but it also reinforced my impression that they probably have management issues. Otherwise she wouldn't have been so over excited about me solely based on my resume.

Around 3pm I heard back from MADE Design asking me to come in for an interview. I was a little surprised to hear from them as I thought they would be looking for someone with more time in the industry. It seems that there is a belief that years of experience = quality employee, which I've found isn't always true. I had spoken with Ken at Rosemont Designs about this issue and he has come to the same realization. MADE had asked for 5-10 years experience, and I was on the lower end of that. Besides, their company was pretty young, so I figured they were still working under the time=quality mindset. So when they called back, I wasn't sure what to expect. But I prepped myself in the hour before the interview by asking myself questions that I thought might come up.

Everything about the interview supported my eventual belief that they didn't have much experience in interviewing potential employees. On the phone, the owner only asked me if I would come in for an interview. No preliminary questions to weed out people who would obviously not work out. When I arrived at the shop, by the time I had introduced myself and shook hands with the two owners, I knew they weren't interested.

I've been in that position before. I had to interview lots of people when I worked at my first cabinetry job. I would make a pretty quick decision sometimes about interviewees and sometimes had to go through the motions of interviewing them just to be polite.

But I never made that decision before they even spoke.

So to have that feeling so damn quickly was really odd. I tried to inject questions and personality into the interview to show these two guys that maybe they should dig a little deeper. But it didn't work. At the end of the 20 minute interview (which would have been much shorter if I hadn't tried so hard), I got the "Well, we're going to be talking to other people this week. We'll get back to you" statement. Yeah, ok, I'll be waiting with bated breath.

Don't get me wrong, this might not have been the right job for me. I might not have been a good match for them. And I'm ok with that. But to get this attitude from the second I walked in was really disturbing. I really felt like turning right back around as soon as I got there.

Eventually I realized that this wasn't a reflection on me. Even if they thought I might not be a good candidate (based on whatever it was they heard over the phone or saw in the 2 seconds after I walked into their shop), a good interviewer would have handled it differently. First, when you call a candidate, ask questions. What real-life experience do they have? Sure, you have some details on their resume, but let them fill in the gaps. If you know the places that person has worked before, ask about those places. For instance, they knew a little bit about Mike's shop, so pressing me for details about that job would have been perfect. Then, once you have decided to bring a candidate in for a personal interview, get even more details about them as an employee. What do they like to do in the shop, what do they dislike? How do they handle certain situations? What are their strong points, what are their weak points? Do they see themselves staying in this industry for a long time? If so, where do they want to go, what skills do they want to learn? And so on.

I got none of those questions. In fact, I think the only question they asked was a general, "so, tell us about you" question. I think they made their decision about me between the phone call and the interview, so no matter what I had done at their shop I wasn't going to be given a fair shot. Over the phone they had asked if I could bring a portfolio of my previous work in. I said that I had just moved back to Portland and lots of things were in storage, but I could probably scare up a few photos. And that is what I did - I searched boxes of photos to see what I thought might be helpful. The reality is that I don't have a lot of photos because most of my work has been done for other companies and I don't think of it as "my" work. Yeah, I work on the pieces, but I am representing the company I work for. Maybe that isn't right. Maybe I should be taking photos. But I've also never been asked for photos from anyone I've ever applied with.

However, all of that was moot because they didn't even ask to see my photos.

So maybe they decided at that point that since I didn't have a portfolio I wasn't a quality candidate. Fair enough. But I had even given them an out with that. I said I didn't have much to show, and wasn't sure if that was a requirement of the interview.....? Giving them plenty of lead to say, "Yes, actually it is. Thanks and good luck in your job search". But they said no, it wasn't a requirement.

But the chilly reception I got when I walked in leads me to believe that maybe they do want someone with a portfolio, or more experience, or more testosterone, or....... Regardless I think they need more experience in interviewing.

So, two more companies down.

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Waiting Game

I turned down that job offer today.

It was a pretty good offer on the surface. The company was small (about 5 or 6 employees), built quality cabinetry and some furniture, the owner liked me and thought I would fit in with the company, and the hourly salary was within my range. But they didn't have health insurance, which, if I bought it on my own, would essentially bring my hourly wage down $3 or $4 per hour.

Plus I had talked to my previous boss, Mike. I really would prefer to work for him. His shop is a mere mile from my house - I can walk or ride my bike to work. I know how his shop runs. I know how he thinks. He and I have a great rapport. He fired his shop manager, my former supervisor - which was well over due, but better late than never, right? Last week he told me that he doesn't have enough work to hire me right now.

Yesterday after I got the job offer, Mike and I went to the bar next to his shop and talked for 3 hours. I told him I had an offer on the table, but would prefer to work for him. Was there anyway he could bring me on? He said he had been thinking about that for the last week and a half. We bantered about a few thoughts, but ultimately came away without a solid job offer for me. But there are lots of possibilities there.

So I called the other guy back today and let him down gently. I was plesantly surprised when he said that he would still be interested in talking to me if changed my mind. I must be some hot property! So now I have two possibilities, but nothing solid. Better than no offers, I guess.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Man I ROCK!!!!!!!

So I set to the job of finding a job this week. I sent resumes to Arciform, The Joinery, MADE Design, and Rosemont Design, plus a few other online posts which ended up to be recruiters.

Today, the same day I applied, I got a call back from Rosemont Designs. I had less experience than would usually interest them, but they were interested anyway. Could I come in for an interview? Sure, 4pm today would work well for me.

I wasn't at all nervous. I was helping my friend Walter with an errand and he asked me why not. "I don't know if I'm interested in them, so it doesn't really matter if they like me or not. Besides, I know that I'm good at this, I know I can do what they need. If they don't want to offer me a job, I won't care."

So at 4pm I walked into the shop and asked for Ken, the owner. We went to his office and started to talk. "You saw our work on our website, so how do you see yourself fitting in here in our shop?" was his first question. I stumbled. How could I answer that when I really didn't know what his shop was like? So I asked him to clarify, realizing this isn't the best way to respond to the first question in an interview. But we quickly got into industry-type talk. He asked questions which I realized were to test my actual knowledge versus my ability to toss out the proper terminology. He talked a lot. I kept my mouth shut as much as I could. I had learned that sometimes it is better to let the other person talk.

By the time he gave me a tour of the shop, I knew I had a good chance at a job there. And I was right.

He didn't offer me a position outright, but said he was interested and wanted to call my references. Said he would call me again tomorrow.

One interview = one job offer.

Damn! I'm good!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Trading Spaces

When I rented out my house, I ended up leaving a few things behind. My futon couch, a small side table used in the bathroom, curtains and curtain rods, a vacuum, plus tons of household-oriented bits and pieces intended for occasional maintenance .

Now that I'm back in my house I'm finding some things missing. Some white cotton curtains I thought I had left on some of the windows are gone. Or maybe I gave them away to Goodwill. A 6' ladder which got me on the roof to sweep off the accumulation of leaves and other tree bits. Those are the big things. But in their place I have found a few items. A nice area rug, just the right color and size to use in front of the kitchen sink. A Bissel Spotlifter unit (without it's power cord), a kitchen mop, one of those Swiffer (Swifter?) floor cleaner thingys, two unopened bags of pillow stuffing.

I guess it all evens out. Except for the ladder.....

Thursday, March 15, 2007

It happens....

I went to talk to my storage people today. I realized that if the things had been stolen, there was no way I was ever going to get them back, so really I was just looking for a little sympathy. Maybe they would have security cameras and I could look at tapes to see whether or not someone had stolen something from me. Who knows?

When I got to the storage place the trendy boy was there. I didn't like him. At this particular storage place they usually hired people who were a bit low on the employment ladder. Not the types you would find in an office or a cafe or a trendy bar. So trendy boy really stuck out. And he had a bit of an attitude. Because I had told them I was moving out, my account had been flagged. I had paid up through the 19th of this month, but for some reason two different times when I had gone to the locker my security code didn't work. The first time this happened, I went to the office to find out what was going on. Trendy boy was there. He looked my account up and sighed one of those oh-so-exasperated sighs. "See," he said to his co-worker, "this is why we need to make sure those forms get filled out!" Another sigh and then he told me the account was cleared and I could get to my locker.

Now, maybe proper paperwork hadn't been done on my account, but what a passive-aggressive way for him to act around me, the customer, when this came to light. I didn't need to know that someone else in his company hadn't followed proceedure. I couldn't care less. I just wanted to get into my locker. But he had to make it obvious to me and everyone else around that his day was being put out of joint because someone else hadn't done their job. Poor guy. I feel so sorry for him, having to correct someone else's mistake.... NOT!!!! Pull your head out of your ass, I wanted to say, it's just a simple mistake.

Needless to say when I saw him behind the counter today I wasn't thrilled. Some other guy walked up to me and asked if he could help me. "I need to close out my locker and I wanted to let you know that I had something stolen from my truck when I was moving this past weekend."

"Yeah, that happens," he replied.

Sympathy was not forthcoming. But I also thought his response showed a great lack of customer service. Really, he should have said something like, "I'm terribly sorry that happened to you here at my place of business. We do our best to minimize thievery, but sometimes it happens and we have no control over it." Instead he followed up his first comment with, "I can't do anything to help you there."

I realized he probably thought I was looking for them to replace my lost items. "I know you aren't responsible, I just wanted you to know it had happened."

"Yeah, well, we can't do anything about it."

At which point I decided he was an idiot and had never had the concept of customer service explained to him. I asked, rather testily, for the moving out paperwork, signed it and left.

Now, the fact that I found the "lost" items later that day stashed away in my laundry room is of no consequence. He still should've treated me better.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Missing Things

The week before I moved things out of storage and into my house, I went to my storage locker and grabbed whatever I could that could fit into my car, trying to minimize the pain of moving day. I looked through the plastic bins I had all my belongings in to see what I had left behind. One day I came across the antenna for my tv. I had forgotten about it completely. It was small, but I didn’t need it at home right away so I left it there.

On Saturday, after I had all my things in the house, I started unpacking and looking for certain things. One thing was that tv antenna. I was tired and I just wanted a mindless evening. Funny thing was that I couldn’t find it. Maybe it’s packed away somewhere else, I thought. Or maybe someone stole it!

But how would they have done that? The bins were in my locker all week, and that was locked up. Then it must have been on the day we moved. But we never really left the bins anywhere anyone would be able to get to them. Of course, we left the truck unlocked while we went back to the locker for more stuff, but the office was right there – wouldn’t they have seen someone opening the truck and taking something out? Could it have been one of the employees?

Ok, I’m probably just tired after a hard day of moving. I’m being paranoid. The antenna is probably in some other bin.

But after a few days of going through my belongings, I still hadn’t found the antenna. And I thought I had bought one of those fancy plastic bag storage things. Where was that?

Tonight I set up my bedframe. And I was missing pieces. As I thought about where they might be, I realized that I thought I had seen those pieces in storage too.

So maybe I wasn’t being paranoid. Maybe someone had stolen a bin of my things. But how odd would that be? How random. If the antenna was on top, I could understand someone picking that out and taking it, but what else could I have put in a bin that would be worth something?

Tomorrow I’ll go back to the storage company and ask them if they have surveillance videos of that area.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Only the women are bad....

We are so judgmental. I’m watching a program called “The Outsiders”. They are profiling a woman who is in the porn industry. They previewed her segment by saying that she used to be a “Sunday school teacher” and she was “college educated”. Then they asked how a woman like her could become a “cigarette smoking porn star”. There was an obvious, and not so subtle, message there. What is good and what is bad. Sunday school teacher = good. Porn star = bad. College educated = good. Smoker = bad. How much more judgmental can we be? I mean, porn is hugely popular – someone has to do that work. It’s not just created out of thin air. So why are the women who perform in porn the only ones who are criticized? What about the men who work in porn? What about the men (and women) who pay for porn? Where are the programs profiling men who purchase hundreds of porn movies a year? Where are the judgmental tv shows about them?

Maybe we just freak out when we realize that these women who perform in porn are actual humans, and not just some personality-less plastic dolls we project our desires onto. Then we think about being in their position and our Puritan heritage comes out, and we label them as “bad”.

Ramblings

This country is crazy for pills. We also seem to have a lot of outbreaks of diseases. Think there’s a connection?
***************
American TV is just as bad, if not worse, than Mexican TV. In fact, there are a lot of copycat programs on right now. I don’t know if they started in Mexico or the States. Either way, they suck.
***************
I saw a commercial this morning that showed people in situations where they had to make a choice between two activities – do you do one thing or the other. The commercial was for a bank’s financial services, basically saying that if you make the right decisions, you’ll be ok. Which is all good and fine. But what seemed particularly American to me was one shot which showed a guy looking out at his back yard, trying to choose between raking the few leaves that littered his lawn and relaxing in his hammock. The implication was that the “right” thing to do was to rake the yard, to do the work. In Mexico the clear choice would be to relax in the hammock. Not out of laziness, but out of a feeling that you need to enjoy life while you can. And at this point, I agree.

Going Up

I’ve been eating like a bird these days. A big, carnivorous, hungry, indiscriminate bird. Because of course, birds eat their own body weight in food on a daily basis. I had started to gain weight right before I left Tuxpan, but this was pretty normal down there – my weight would fluxuate within a few pounds on a regular basis. When I got up here I was so excited to eat food I hadn’t had in 14 months – Violet’s breakfast, thai food, Peet’s coffee with real half & half, cheap frozen pizzas, etc. So now I have a layer of fat on me that hadn’t been there two months ago. Bummer.

Also, whatever I’m eating doesn’t always agree with my system. Lately I’ve been going to bed feeling over-full and uncomfortably bloated. As if whatever I’ve eaten has turned into a stone in my stomach. I wake up and feel the same. Maybe the food here has more preservatives and that is affecting my stomach. Maybe I’ve been eating heavier food. Or maybe my body is adjusting to the food here. Regardless, I need to start eating better.

Monday, March 12, 2007

First the house, then a job.... Almost

I went to visit my old boss Mike today. He was surprised to see me because he didn’t know I was back in town. But I had stopped in to visit in the past, so he wasn’t completely surprised.

We chatted for a while and he told me he had done some “housecleaning” last week. Turns out one employee had blown up at another employee and threatened bodily harm. He was fired. Then the good news – my old manager had been fired too. Mike said that on the same day he fired the other employee he decided to fire John too. Said he realized he had just had it, he couldn’t deal with John anymore. It was about time too. John had always been a problem, but Mike didn’t have it in his nature to fire him sooner. So now Mike is down two employees. And I’m looking for a job.

You do the math.

It was lunch time at the shop and his remaining four workers came out of the shop to get their food. I knew two of them and chatted a bit with them. Mike then introduced me to one employee I didn't know. “Hi, I’m Laura, I used to work here.” “Nice to meet you. Are you going to work here again?” he asked. “I don’t know. Mike and I hadn’t gotten to that point in our conversation yet.”

Which was really a nice segue way. We talked a little bit, but I didn’t want to pressure Mike, so I said “well, think about it and call me if you’re interested.” He replied, “I don’t need to think about it, I’d love to have you back at the shop. But I don’t have enough work right now.”

I was very complimented. No need to convince him to re-hire me. I had a job if I wanted it, I only had to wait. And even though he couldn’t hire me right away, I figure that even if I have to take a crappy job, I can always drop it when a position comes available with him. So it was a good day.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Comfortably Numb

One thing that is odd about staying here is the mixed feelings I have. The other day I was sitting in my back yard and it almost felt like my time in Mexico was just a dream. The yard looked the same, as if I had never left. And as I bring some of my things back into the house I have the same sensation. Here I am, back in my old life, which doesn't feel old, it feels as if I'm merely rearranging my house. Mexico? Did I really go there or was that a dream?

And I'm not sure I want that. I want to feel different, I want to feel like I had an Experience. A life-changing experience. But it's really easy to forget about my life in Mexico. It's really easy to feel a big void when I think about my daily life down there. Which is so odd because when I was there every day was wracked with emotions. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes horribly painful. So to feel numb to it, to feel as if it didn't happen, is very, very odd.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Reclaiming the House

So I decided. I'm staying here in Portland.

I called my potential renters to give them the bad news. Then I went to my storage locker and packed as much as I could into my little car, and took it back to the house. I asked a friend if he could help me move the rest of my things into the house this Saturday. The only thing left was to talk to Luis.

When I talked to him, and he was sad but supportive. We talked a bit about what he needed to do down there (close up the shop, sell the tools if he could, sell one of the motorcycles, etc). We talked about me flying down there to gather some things up and say a proper goodbye to the family. He said he was going to call his old boss in Sacramento to see what the work situation looked like. And he told me that he wanted to stay down there until his brother Jorge moved down in May.

I thought this might be a goal of his. His brother Jorge is more like a father to him than a brother. And Jorge has been saying he wants to move back to Mexico for a while now. Luis feels like, and has always felt this way, he should help Jorge out as much as possible. So at the worst Luis could be back up here by June.

Now I need to get back on the ball and get myself re-established here. Call the utilities and get them back in my name, start looking for a job, get my brain wrapped around the idea of staying here.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

It does occur to me...

...that I might not know if I've made the right decision until long after I've made that decision.

How to Have it All

I was talking with my friend Suzie last night. I told her I had been at the house yesterday and was feeling like maybe I should stay in Portland. I told her that if I had my druthers I would keep the house, but take the time to go see friends and go back to Tuxpan for a week to say a proper good-bye to everyone and gather up some of my belongings.

"So why not do that?" she asked.

So why not?

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Still on the Fence

I think I need to get honest about this "stay or go" decision.

The reality is that I am more comfortable here than I am in Tuxpan. I have friends here. A lot of my friends these days are married, and some of them have kids. But they are still available for me and I can still talk to them. In English. I have a house here - which I haven't rented out yet - plus a bunch of shit in storage. So within a week or so I could be moved back in and in my own space again.

But it sort of tears me up. I feel like I was in the middle of starting a life down there and now I'm running away from it. But the reality there is that the life which I was starting wasn't making me happy. I think if I went down there in another year or so I might have a healthier attitude and might be able to stay down there longer.

I"ve been waiting for some sort of sign to tell me what I should do. Should I stay or should I go? Why isn't the universe telling me in some not-so-subtle way which choice is the better one? My sister told me that sometimes the sign we are looking for isn't a lightning bolt, but more just small, subtle signs which we can easily overlook or discount.

So I think about the conversations I've had with friends, and what they've said. I walk around my house, empty now, and think of how it would feel with all my stuff back in it. I went to my storage locker and realized just how normal, how calm, how inconspicuous I felt.

And that is a huge thing. I feel like I can walk around the neighborhood without sticking out or being stared at. I don't feel as if I don't fit in here. I'm just another white girl walking around.

So maybe I should stay.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Life Goes On

So I've been having a difficult time with this decision of whether I should stay here in Portland or if I should go back to Mexico. I've been sitting on the fence over which option to choose.

But every once in a while I'll be reminded that life will go on no matter which option I choose. That lightens the stress of trying to decide.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Coka Lite

Diet Coke tastes different here than in Mexico. Down there it's more fizzy, as are all softdrinks. But it also has a different taste. I actually like Mexican Diet Coke.

I just need to frikkin eat!!!

I left my mom's place today with a mission to find a good brekky restaurant. I've been a bit of a hermit lately, so I figured this would motivate me to get out of the house.

I jumped on public transportation and headed to a small diner I had been to before in the Pearl District. It was kinda late for brekky, but their web site said they were open until 3pm, so I figured I was well within Brekky Range. Alas no. During the week they serve eggs and their kin only until 11am. Waaaah!!! So I left and started walking back south towards downtown. I figured I would come across another option sooner or later.

Well, PF Chang's came up and I decided chinese food was as good as an omelet at this point. I went in and ordered some food to go. They said it would take 15 minutes, so I said I would be back for the food.

I left and aimed for Powell's, which was a risk as I'm not sure I can do only 15 minutes at Powell's. At the corner there were four folks from Mercy Corps. I figured I had nothing to lose - I don't live here anymore so I have a ready "out" if they want signatures or something. So I stopped and talked to one guy.

It started out ok. He asked what I knew about Mercy Corps then filled me in on what they do. And they do some good things. They work to establish local resources in the areas where they go. Need a doctor in Uganda? They don't ship one in from Europe or the US, they get the resources to have a local (or regional) doctor set up to work where it is needed. Nice. And, he said, he wasn't out on a street corner in the rain to ask people for money today. Rather he was asking for people to offer resources.

Resources. That usually means money. So I told him my deal - I'm living in Mexico, I'm trying to make a living on what I earn there, I'm here just to rent out my house, money isn't an option as a resource from me. That usually shuts them up. They might ask what I'm doing in Mexico, or share some Mexico/travelling experience of their own. But they usually understand that they should stop asking me for money.

Not this guy. He kept prattling on about how people don't always realize that it can be a really small gesture on their part that makes a big difference to the people on the receiving end. For example, if you committ to giving up one of your two daily lattes, you can put that money into a jar and at the end of the month you have a huge donation. Or have one less drink in a bar on the weekends. Or walk instead of taking a cab. We can all find little things in our lives that we can live without, he said.

Ok. Maybe I didn't explain myself. I'm living in Mexico. Small town Mexico. I already live without most of the stuff this guy mentioned. We don't have cafes or movie theatres; there are cabs in town, but I have a car; I don't really drink in bars these days. There is very little left for me to "give up".

I guess he didn't believe me because he started to use some examples that were a bit closer to home. "It doesn't have to be a big thing, maybe making a few dollars off your renters, or having one less margarita on the beach...."

I almost slugged him. What the hell does he know of my life? He's judging me because I'm walking down the street in the ritzy Pearl District, wearing a nice velvet scarf (inherited from my grandmother, thankyouverymuch), and I own a house here. He assumes that I can somehow find something in Mexico that is extraneous, that is some luxury that I can cut back on. He has no idea how much I don't have access to just by virtue of being in Mexico, by virtue of living in a small town there.

I finally got him to lose interest in me somehow and headed for Powell's. I had given up on going back to PF Chang's for the food I had ordered. I hadn't paid for it, so I wasn't losing anything. And I just couldn't stand the idea of having to walk back by this well-meaning asshole with food to go from PF Chang's.

So I kept walking south, hoping to come across some tasty restaurant. It was way past brekky time, so I ended up going to Safeway and buying eggs, going home and cooking myself a scramble with spinich, mushrooms and broccoli. Not quite as satisfying, but brekky all the same.